When Love Isn’t Enough: 7 “Stuck Spots” for Adoptive Parents (And How to Get Unstuck)

By Cindy Boecking | September 3, 2025

“There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.”

This beautiful quote reminds us why we chose adoption in the first place: because every child is worthy of love, safety, and belonging. The day a child joins a family through adoption is sacred—like a wedding ceremony, filled with promises to love no matter what.

But unlike the storybook versions of family life, “happily ever after” takes a lot more than a signature on a paper or a heartfelt vow.

Why Don’t We Talk About the Hard Parts?

Adoptive parents are often seen as heroes. And we try to live up to that image. We want to show the world—and maybe even ourselves—that love is enough. That we’ve got this.

But behind closed doors, many of us face moments of struggle, guilt, confusion, and isolation. The truth? We’re human. And adoption is beautiful and hard.

We need to talk about the “stuck spots”—the emotional and relational places where we feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or just plain stuck.

Here are seven of those spots, and some thoughts on how to find your way through them:

1. Loss: Mourning What Was and What Isn’t

Adoption is often born from loss. Maybe you experienced infertility. Maybe your child’s story includes unimaginable pain. Maybe their needs are more complex than you ever expected.

You can love your child fiercely and still grieve the life you imagined. Acknowledging that loss doesn’t diminish your love—it makes space for healing.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I grieving?
  • Have I given myself permission to mourn and move forward?

2. Outside Relationships: When Others Don’t Understand

Friends might not get it. Family might push back on your parenting style. You may feel alone or judged.

That isolation is real—and painful. But remember: confusion doesn’t mean rejection. Sometimes people just need more information.

Ask yourself:

  • Who do I wish understood us better?
  • Can I share something with them to build a bridge?

3. Control: The Illusion That Keeps Us Struggling

You want your child to be okay. You want to protect them, guide them, maybe even fix what’s broken. But holding too tightly to control can keep you from meeting your child where they are.

Control is comforting—but connection is healing.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I trying to control, or connect?
  • Can I let go of the outcome and lean into presence?

4. Judgment: Internal and External Weights We Carry

From the outside: “They signed up for this.”
From the inside: “I should be a better parent.”

These voices are heavy—and unhelpful. You don’t have to carry them.

Try this mantra:
“Nope. I’m not picking that up. I won’t carry it.”

Ask yourself:

  • Whose voice am I hearing?
  • Is it kind? Is it true? Is it helping me or hurting me?

5. Overwhelm: When Everything Feels Like Too Much

When behaviors escalate and emotions explode, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning. In those moments, your stress response (fight, flight, or freeze) might take over.

That’s okay. You’re human. But there’s power in pausing.

Try this:

  • Breathe before you react.
  • Not everything needs an immediate solution.

Ask yourself:

  • What’s my default response when I’m overwhelmed?
  • How can I create space to regulate before I respond?

6. Fear: The Silent Saboteur

Fear of failing. Fear of messing up. Fear that love might not be enough.

But fear doesn’t have to win. Fight fear with action. Tiny, faithful steps forward—seeking help, reaching out, showing up again and again.

Ask yourself:

  • What fear is driving me right now?
  • What’s one small action I can take to move through it?

7. Blocked Care: When Compassion Runs Dry

Sometimes, the stress, rejection, and exhaustion build up—and your ability to care starts to shut down. This is known as blocked care, and it’s more common than we realize.

If you’re feeling numb, angry, or detached from your child, you’re not broken—you’re burned out. And there’s help for that.

What helps?

  • Therapy.
  • Support groups.
  • Rest.
  • Honesty.
  • Giving it all to God.

Final Thoughts: Finding Your Way Again

You’re not failing. You’re parenting through complexity. And that’s one of the bravest, most loving things you can do.

There’s freedom in naming the stuck spots—and healing in choosing not to stay in them.

So, ask yourself today:

  • What resonated with me?
  • What can I do to be released from this stuck spot?

Your family is unique. It’s worthy of celebration—not perfection.

You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.

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About Cindy Boecking